Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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