Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
