quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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