she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
