Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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