I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
