my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm like, not good at living.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
