Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
