Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
