I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
