Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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