You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
