I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
