u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
