we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
