sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
