you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
