He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
