didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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