i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
