the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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