I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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