Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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