Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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