Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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