i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you didnt know i had herpes?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
