I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
