Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
