I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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