Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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