If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
