Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
