I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
