Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
