Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
