I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
