I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
