All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
