people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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