Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
