i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
