there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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