You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
