I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
