you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
