Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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