i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
