Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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