...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
