got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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