I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
