I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
