I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
