guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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