my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Randomize
