Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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